Writer's Poison
by Roxal
Summary: I was so afraid. I didn't know what it would mean if I did, how you'd react. I'm so glad that I told you, Riku. Sequel to Inspiration. Warnings: Angst. Status: Abandoned. [SoraRiku]
1. Morning

'Bite the sacred apple and suck the poison; enjoy the taste.'  
  
Sora lay cradled in Riku's comforting embrace. He inhaled deeply, nuzzling into his friend's chest. Neither of them had slept all night. Well, Riku had slept before he went to Sora's, but that doesn't count. Sora was completely content. He'd told Riku how he felt, and the feeling was returned. He couldn't be happier.  
  
"I'm so glad I told you." Sora breathed softly. "I was so afraid. I didn't know what it would mean if I did, how you'd react. I'm so glad that I told you, Riku." He looked up into the other's eyes and felt his own start to water. He blinked, trying to hold the tears back, but they fell silently down his cheeks and onto Riku's chest.  
  
"Don't cry, Sora. There's nothing to be afraid of." Riku smiled, pulling the younger boy closer with one hand and stroking his hair with the other. Sora closed his eyes as the other kissed the tears off his face. Soon their lips met, and everything became surreal. Sora's tongue flicked out into Riku's mouth. The older boy gasped, parting his lips and allowing Sora entrance. The dim light of the sunrise gave the room a gentle glow. The gray of night was being replaced by the light pastels of dawn. Sora broke the kiss and set his head next to Riku's on the pillow.  
  
"I couldn't help it." He referred to both his crying and his fear. "It was hard not to be. It's a big thing, and big things are scary." He thought about what he'd just said and giggled. Yes, big things are scary. Riku smiled and laughed lightly. "Big things change a lot."  
  
"Yeah, they do." Riku brushed some of Sora's hair from his eyes and kissed him lightly. "Sometimes for the better." He smiled. Sora sighed contentedly and nuzzled the older boy's neck. The sweetness of the moment was soon interrupted by a soft knocking on the door.  
  
"Sora? Are you ok?" His mother called quietly from the hall.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Sora replied, lifting his head slightly. Riku tensed, but Sora gave him a look that said 'she won't come in.'  
  
"Are you sure? You were talking to yourself again. I've been really worried about you, dear. You've been so sad lately." His mother stated in a genuinely worried tone. "Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"Maybe later." Sora sighed out. "But, I think I'll be happier now. I've gotten something figured out."  
  
"Alright, if you're sure." She answered uncertainly. "You need to get ready for school, by the way."  
  
"Ok. Thanks, mom." Sora set his head back down on the pillow as he heard his mother's retreating footsteps. Riku loosened his grip on the younger boy, turning to look him in the eyes.  
  
"You've been talking to yourself?" Riku raised an eyebrow, his face splashed with worry. "Sora, are you okay?"  
  
Sora looked down, almost ashamed. He sighed and looked back up at Riku, his expression unreadable. "I'm fine. I've just been, I don't know, lost lately." He looked down again, pain visible on his face. "It's just been so hard. I've been living a lie. To the world, I'm sweet, adorable Sora: strong, outgoing, got a great girlfriend. It's almost a perfect life. Almost." He looked back up at the older boy, staring into his eyes. "But inside, I'm still a scared little boy. I'm in a relationship I don't really want, I'm scared to tell others what I am-"  
  
"What are you?" Riku cut in, not quite understanding.  
  
"You mean you haven't figured it out?" Sora gave him a sad smile. "I'm gay."  
  
Riku was a bit more shocked by this than he should have been. Of /course/ Sora was gay if he wanted to be with him, but, it was just, weird to hear him say it. "H-how long have you known?"  
  
Sora sighed yet again and rolled over on his back. He stared at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes. "I guess I've 'known' for about three years. I finally accepted it last year. It was hard. I was so scared, but I couldn't help it. I /tried/ to straight, I really did. But I'm not." He opened his eyes and put his hands behind his head, shielding his face from Riku's view. "I-it didn't help when Kara was attacked. That was about two months after I started coming to terms with myself."  
  
Kara was Sora's age. She'd lived on Destiny Islands her whole life, being nice, popular, and generally liked. Sora had known her, but not too well. Then, about a week after her fifteenth birthday, she admitted that she was a lesbian.  
  
She was immediately shunned by many of her 'popular' friends. Some ridiculed her and groups ostracized the girl. She calmly accepted it as part of her lifestyle. She'd known that nothing would be the same after she confessed. Kara also made new friends as a result of this. Sora was one of them. He was interested in what it was like to have people know about her sexuality. She was the only person whom he told his secret. She promised not to tell and she was true to her word. Sora was thankful for that, especially after what happened.  
  
One morning, Kara was found by one of her friends, beaten and half-naked. Everyone assumed the worst. She insisted that she hadn't been raped; that her attackers tried but she fought them off long enough until they got angry and left her there. She wouldn't tell who attacked her, though everyone had his or her suspicions. Kara's family moved away within the week. Sora tried to keep contact with her, but it was infrequent, and he eventually gave up.  
  
"That scared the shit out of me. I thought, 'if they'd do that to a girl, a girl that everybody loved and thought so highly of, God only knows what they'd do to me.'" Sora clenched his eyes shut. "I was so fucking scared. I still am." Tears welled up in his eyes again, but he forced them down. "I hate being helpless. I hate being alone."  
  
"Sora." The younger boy opened his eyes to see Riku staring into them. Before Riku could start a sentence, though, Sora sat up and waved a hand dismissively.  
  
"We need to get ready. You won't have time to go home and change. You can wear some of my clothes." After Sora's growth spurt, he and Riku were about the same height and build, though Sora was still more lithe than his companion was. "I'm going to take a shower."  
  
Riku opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and merely nodded. Sora grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom. The older boy sat on the edge of Sora's bed, his head bowed and his hands clasped between his knees. He felt bad, though his friend's pain wasn't his fault. Sora must've gone through hell, struggling with his identity and then having to keep it secret. No one should have to suffer like that, especially not someone like Sora. He'd been through so many hells. Riku just wanted him to be happy, truly happy. "You shouldn't have to be helpless; you shouldn't have to be alone."  
  
Riku uttered a sad breath, standing and crossing to Sora's closet. He picked one of the few yellow t-shirts and a pair of faded jeans. He pulled them on, the fabric clinging closely to his body. The boy's thoughts briefly wandered to his books, but he remembered that he hadn't had homework, so they were still in his locker. Well, he had one thing going for him.  
  
The silver-haired boy sat again on the bed, smoothing down his mane with his hands. There was no mirror in the room, but it was windy outside anyway, making his efforts futile. He resigned with a sigh, collapsing backward onto the mattress, his thoughts returning to Sora. He seemed so happy last night, but now he seemed distant. What was going on inside that pretty head of his? And why would he be talking to himself? He said he felt lost. Riku didn't blame him. He'd felt lost as well when he questioned his sexuality, but he had been able to suppress those urges. Sora couldn't. He /was/ living a lie; a beautifully constructed lie which would soon shatter like spun glass. "Sora." Riku breathed quietly.  
  
The water shut off in the bathroom and Sora soon emerged from the small room. He walked wordlessly past Riku, grabbing two jackets from his closet. He tossed Riku a dark blue one, while slipping a black hoodie over his own red shirt. "You'll need it. It's cold as fuck outside." Sora said casually as his friend eyed the object curiously. "And you'll be climbing through the window." Sora turned to him and smirked. Riku smiled as well and planted a light kiss on the other's lips. Sora returned it, running his fingers through his friend's silver hair. He pulled away with a soft moan, leaning his head on Riku's shoulder. He heaved a deep breath, his form expanding with the intake of air before exhaling and lifting his head again. "Time to go. I'll meet you out front."  
  
Riku smiled. "Sure." Riku caressed his friend's shoulder before opening the window and climbing over the bed.  
  
Sora left his room and walked silently down the stairs to the front door. He sighed inwardly, wondering if he'd made the right decision. He /was/ glad that he'd told Riku (though he still hadn't told him he loved him. Sora didn't want to scare Riku with something he may not be ready for.), but it would change a lot. This was the first step to coming out (or was it the second and he had skipped the first? Perhaps he could avoid it altogether.) and soon everyone would know. Everything would fall apart. Sora swallowed hard and choked down more tears. He didn't want to be alone.  
  
When he opened the front door he was greeted by Riku. As Sora started past him, Riku brushed his hand with his own. Sora took the hint and held it, intertwining their fingers. They smiled at each other and started the journey to Destiny High. They were both in the eleventh grade, along with all of their friends, except Wakka, who was a Senior, and Selphie, who was a Sophomore. The island was so small there was only one high school. Most of the students graduated, though some didn't see the point and dropped out. They'd all get jobs eventually with such a sparse population, but graduates got better pay.  
  
As the two neared the campus, they let their hands fall to their sides and merely walked close together. It was a rather brisk January morning; temperatures in the mid-forties. They were thankful to get inside the heated building and soon found the hallway where their group congregated.  
  
Kairi ran up to Sora and tackled him in a hug, kissing him full on the lips. Sora returned the kiss, though not with as much passion as the smaller girl. Riku turned away and ignored the affectionate greeting. Kairi grasped Sora's hand in hers and practically dragged him down towards their friends. Wakka, Selphie, and Tidus greeted them as Kairi pulled Sora down to sit next to her. Riku sat on the boy's other side with Wakka while Tidus and Selphie remained standing. They all talked for a while about homework and teachers and what they'd done the night before. Kairi revealed that Sora was a writer (he blushed madly) and the others said he should show them his work sometime.  
  
After a while of Kairi touching him, kissing him, and squeezing his hand, Sora became very uncomfortable. He finally stood rather abruptly. "I, uh, have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." He started down the hallway.  
  
"I'll go with you." Riku stood as well and followed him ("Hurry back!" Kairi called.), slightly worried. The boy's bathroom was thankfully empty. That would give them a chance to talk in private. "What's wrong?" Riku asked quietly, leaning against the wall.  
  
"I-I can't do this anymore." Sora said, looking at the floor.  
  
"Can't do what?" The older boy continued to watch his friend curiously.  
  
"I can't pretend that I love Kairi. I never did, and now that I'm with you, I-" He chewed his lip nervously. "I couldn't stand her touching me. I wanted to scream. I can't pretend anymore, Riku." He looked up with soulful blue eyes.  
  
"Oh, Sora." Riku hugged the smaller boy, noting his sad expression. "You don't have to pretend if you don't want to." He stroked his hair. Sora lost himself in the moment and kissed his companion briefly before pulling away and out of his embrace.  
  
"But I /do/ have to." Sora insisted. "And I can't. I can't because I, Riku, I lo-"  
  
"What are you guys /doing/ in here?" Came Tidus's voice from the doorway. "The bell's about to ring!"  
  
"It is? Damn. Ok, I have to go to my locker. See you in class, Tidus. C'mon, Sora." Riku said quickly, brushing past Tidus and into the bustling main corridor. Sora followed and the blonde returned to Selphie and the others.  
  
Next was first period: English.  
  
'I saw you there and I- I felt you in me and I couldn't pretend.' 


	2. AP English

'Sorry for being there when you wanted me to. Sorry for seeing you through.'  
  
Sora trudged through the mass of humanity to his locker, occasionally smiling or waving at people he knew. He finally made it to his locker, pulling out his English and History books along with his art folder. He slammed the door shut with a sigh and regretfully looked at the one three doors over.  
  
'Faggot'  
  
The word was emblazoned in black permanent ink on the small red door. Someone had written it on Kara's old locker when she was still a student there. The administration had tried scrubbing it off but the ink wouldn't budge. Sora briefly wondered why they didn't just cave and paint over it. Maybe they didn't care.  
  
Sora shut his eyes but the word was still there, ingrained into his memory. He sighed again and leaned his head into the door with a soft thunk. Almost immediately after he felt a hand on his shoulder and a gentle, "You ok?"  
  
He turned to face Riku, smiling softly and nodding. "Yeah, I'll be fine." Riku's eyes blazed with concern but the shrill ringing of the bell broke their contact. The older boy shook his silver head and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and then opening them again to look into the deep blue ones before him.  
  
"Come on, we'll be late." Sora smiled as Riku grabbed his hand and pulled him off to their English class. They sat down just in time for the late bell to ring. Sora set his books on his desk and pulled out his writing assignment, watching Riku do the same from the corner of his eye. They sat next to each other toward the back of the classroom, their friends (Tidus and Kairi) two seats in front of them. It was one of the few classes in which they were seated in alphabetical order and now Sora was thankful for that since he wouldn't have to deal with Kairi during lulls in the lesson. It wasn't that he hated Kairi, he still considered her a friend. But he had a lot to sort out now, much of which concerned his relationship with her.  
  
Ms. Takako asked for their homework and it was passed forward eagerly. It had been a creative writing assignment (Sora loved those) about loyalty. Sora gave his paper one last look before handing it up and slumped down in his chair. He wasn't exactly being loyal now. He pulled a piece of paper out of his notebook and scrawled a message on it then passed it discretely across the row. Riku unfurled the note and stared at it blankly. Sora's message almost needed no reply.  
  
'I have to break up with Kairi.'  
  
Riku suppressed the urge to smile. He shouldn't do that. This was hard for Sora. Even if his boyfriend (he supposed that was what he was) didn't want to be with Kairi, he would still feel bad for leaving her. He thought of others too much and rarely of himself, Riku mentally noted. He replied with one word.  
  
'How?'  
  
Sora sighed, staring at the word. Yes, how? He didn't want to just be blunt about it. Even if he felt nothing for her, she seemed to be in love with him. Should he just tell her his heart belonged to someone else? But then she'd want to know whom. What possible reason could he give her for leaving? From all outward appearances they seemed like a very happy couple. He couldn't just say things weren't working out.  
  
'I don't know. But I want it to be painless, you know? I don't want to hurt her. I'd ask how Jishuka broke up with you, but it seemed to hurt you a lot. You kept saying "stupid bitch" all the time. I don't want Kairi to be mad at me.'  
  
Sora smiled lightly at the phrase. It had been rather funny in a depressing sort of way when Riku kept muttering "stupid bitch" under his breath shortly after his break-up. He'd really liked Jishuka, but she, apparently, didn't like him that much. It wasn't really funny at the time, but Sora tried to pull Riku out of his angry hole, poking fun at him by scowling and muttering obscenities whenever she passed them in the hallway. He smiled wider now and passed the note back to Riku.  
  
Riku couldn't help but smile as well. It was quite funny to look back on. His bad mood had been pointless. He moved on. What was a silly high school romance anyway? No, scratch that. Sora was a high school romance, and Riku knew he'd never give him up. The older boy sighed, half-paying attention to the lesson, half-thinking of a reply.  
  
'I'll tell you how she broke up with me anyway, so you know what /not/ to do. She pulled me aside during lunch (you were there, but you were with Kairi or something) and told me things weren't working out. "I really like you, Riku, but we're just so different. You seem, I don't know, distracted and distant. I don't feel like you pay enough attention to me." Oh, /that/ pissed me off. I was with her every damn /second/! No, I should calm down. I couldn't give less of a damn about her now. Guess I gave too much of a damn then. But I guess you can't really be nice about a break-up. Someone's going to get hurt, and you have to hope it's not you. Maybe we should tell her about us, Sora. If she knew, then maybe she'd understand. If she knew that you were "that way". '  
  
Riku refrained from using the word gay for two reasons. One: he didn't want to upset Sora. Even if they both knew he was gay, sometimes it was best not to mention it. Two: if someone was reading over their shoulders then they'd get an eyeful. The silver-haired boy passed the note back to his friend and Sora accidentally opened it rather noisily.  
  
"Sora?" Ms. Takako looked over at him. "Are you passing notes in my class?"  
  
"No, ma'am!" Sora answered quickly, straightening up and trying to look innocent.  
  
"Then what were we discussing?" She cocked an eyebrow at him playfully.  
  
"We were discussing, uh, h-how Poe doesn't use iambic pentameter in "The Raven", but, something octameter? And mid-sentence rhyming?" He answered warily. He'd been half-paying attention and mentally cursed himself for forgetting what came before "octameter".  
  
"It was trochaic octameter, but it's a hard word to remember anyway. Try taking notes." She smiled at him and continued with the lesson. Sora inwardly breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God that Ms. Takako showed favoritism. She'd told him before that he showed great talent as a writer. This both pleased and embarrassed him. It was nice to be good at something, but having your work read in front of the class wasn't exactly thrilling.  
  
Sora blushed and shot Riku a sideways glance, mouthing "no more notes." Riku smirked and nodded. If /he'd/ been caught with the note, it may have been read aloud, and that would have been very, very bad.  
  
The two listened with rapt attention to the teacher for the rest of the class, her explanation of Poe wanting "The Raven" to have an hypnotic effect on the reader putting Riku to sleep. The loud bell pulled him out of his stupor and he gathered his books to head into the crowded hallway once more. He waited for Sora to gather his things before leaving, but was accosted by Kairi and Tidus as soon as the two stepped out the door.  
  
"What were you writing notes about?" Tidus glanced at Sora, who turned slightly pink.  
  
"Nothing. It doesn't matter." He stated quickly before turning to leave.  
  
"Aw, c'mon, Sora! You rarely ever write notes. It must be important." Kairi called after him.  
  
"It's not. I-I just wanted to ask him something." Sora stammered out.  
  
"What?" Kairi asked impatiently.  
  
"It's /really/ not important. You're so nosy, Kairi. Since when are notes public domain?" He forced a playful smile.  
  
"Hmph. Well, maybe Riku will tell me. What /did/ he ask you, Riku?" Kairi turned to the older boy, hands on her hips.  
  
"It's really none of your business." He smirked as he brushed past her, Sora not far behind.  
  
Kairi let out an exasperated sigh and followed them to their American History class, dragging Tidus along with her.  
  
'Handcuffed in the present tense, variations on your violence. Mind games and pretty girls, a cracked song in the universe.' 


	3. Honors History

'Don't want no one to ache; Oh, to be drunk and forgetful. To get out of this unscathed; Oh, to be free and inhuman.'  
  
Sora suddenly noticed that Riku had subconsciously grabbed his hand. He blushed slightly and looked sideways at the other. "Maybe we shouldn't be holding hands just yet." He whispered, barely audible.  
  
Riku smirked and released him, letting their hands fall limply. "Sure." They continued down the jammed hallway in companionable silence. Sora smiled to himself. If they weren't conspicuous, maybe they could keep this up. But then there was Kairi to deal with. Kairi. Dammit.  
  
To tell the truth, he'd be thinking about dropping her for a while. His lethargic tone on the phone the previous night was part of a boredom act he'd been putting on for her. Maybe if he weren't entertaining enough for her then she'd leave on her own. But judging by her attitude, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. He wished he could hurry up and find a way to get rid of her. If he didn't, all the emotions boiling up in him - fear, guilt, love, lust - would explode in a blind fury/panic and ruin everything. Sora wasn't good at keeping secrets, and this was eating away at his very heart, as it had been for years.  
  
The pair entered the classroom quietly and took their seats in the back. The four friends sat in a sort of L shape: Riku in the very back, Sora in front of him and Kairi in front of Sora, with Tidus sitting in the next row on Kairi's left.  
  
Kairi plopped down in her seat, sitting sideways so she could see Sora. He was looking a bit depressed, thinking about everything. Kairi wore a look of concern and placed her hand on her boyfriend's cheek, causing him to look up at her. "Sora, sweetie, you look upset. Are you okay?"  
  
"Me? Upset? Nah, don't be silly. Breakfast just isn't agreeing with me, that's all." He forced a fake smile, hoping she'd let it go.  
  
She did. "Okay. Just, tell me if anything's wrong, all right? Lately I feel like you've been hiding something from me. I'm here for you if you need to talk, Sora. I love you." She kissed his nose and turned around as Ms. Lalani started to call the class's attention.  
  
'I love you.' Sora mentally flinched at the words. He wondered if she really meant it, or if she merely thought she did; a confusing teenage lie. He sighed quietly, opening his textbook to the ordered page.  
  
World War II: Holocaust. Fun. Not that he didn't think that it was a horrible tragedy, but they'd learned about it every year since sixth grade. Every year the same thing: discussion, notes, horrible video of mentally disturbing images. Oh, and Anne Frank. It wasn't the Holocaust without Anne Frank. He usually zoned out during these lectures, tired of hearing 'Jewish this' and 'German that', but today he actually decided to listen. Maybe if he concentrated on schoolwork, he wouldn't go psycho over the whole him- Kairi-Riku love triangle.  
  
"As you know, the Holocaust claimed the lives of thousands of Jews in Hitler's attempt to create an Aryan race," Ms. Lalani started. Sora slumped down. It had started. "But Jews were not the only ones who were sent to concentration camps. To further purge society of those "der Furher" deemed unworthy, people with dark skin, the physically and mentally disabled, and homosexuals were also tortured and killed."  
  
Sora leaned forward and then back rather abruptly. That was a bit of a shock. His mind was usually in la-la land long before the other persecuted groups were mentioned. He hung his head, somewhat in shame. He was on the same list as the mentally handicapped. Perhaps this /was/ some sort of mental affliction? If it wasn't in itself, the side effects were enough to cause one.  
  
He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder and immediately knew it was Riku's. He briefly wondered if Riku was ashamed as well, but dismissed that thought and knew that his friend was only trying to comfort him. He heaved a deep breath, his shoulders rising and falling with the movement. The hand began to massage him gently and Sora leaned into it. He tilted his head far back to look at Riku upside-down. 'Thank you,' he mouthed silently, smiling. Riku smiled back, ruffling Sora's hair a bit before the younger boy sat back up.  
  
Sora sat in a depressed stupor for the rest of the lecture, barely noticing the withdrawal of Riku's hand. He sighed reluctantly as a worksheet was passed back. 'I /hate/ these things.' He thought, staring down at the page of at least twenty questions which each required four-sentence answers. Thankfully, though, Ms. Lalani didn't mind if the students worked together, so Sora turned sideways in his chair, laying his paper on Riku's desk. They usually worked this way, since Riku was a bit of a history buff. Tidus moved back a seat and Kairi took the empty seat behind him so that they now sat in a square.  
  
"Alright, let's see, 'What was Hitler called by the German people and what did it mean in English?'" Tidus lazily recited. All eyes shifted to Riku and he couldn't help but smirk. Oh, how they looked up to him.  
  
"It was 'der Furher,' which meant 'the Leader.' Honestly, guys, haven't you paid attention at /all/?" His smirk turned into a grin.  
  
"Yes, but we know you pay closer attention." Kairi smiled back at him.  
  
"Not really. I just remember this stuff. After all, we've learned about it /every year/." Riku returned.  
  
"No, you're just a genius." Sora smiled playfully, trying to pull himself out of his bad mood.  
  
"And you're an idiot." Riku smiled, ruffling Sora's hair again.  
  
"Hey! No I'm not! Laziness is a choice." Sora laughed, batting Riku's hand away.  
  
"Are you two gonna flirt all day or are we actually going to get some work done?" Tidus sighed.  
  
"No! We shall continue to flirt! Riku, have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are in this harsh fluorescent lighting?" Sora said with an over- dramatic tone.  
  
"Why thank you, love. Did you know that you are perhaps the most attractive boy at this school? Next to me, of course." Riku said in the same playfully dramatic voice.  
  
Sora sighed wistfully, reaching out to hug his secret boyfriend. "I love you!"  
  
"I love you too!" They loosely embraced, Tidus and Kairi snickering next to them. Kairi let out a mock gasp.  
  
"Sora! I thought you loved me! How long has this been going on?" She giggled.  
  
'If you only knew,' Sora smiled mentally, the checked his watch. "About three minutes." The four of them laughed quietly, then toned it down when Ms. Lalani shot them a disapproving glare.  
  
"So, anyway, question numero dos." Tidus refocused them on the worksheet.  
  
None of this seemed strange to them. Riku and Sora regularly joked about being a couple. Sometimes Riku and Kairi joked that they were together, or Kairi and Tidus, or - well, it was just a game they all played. It comes with being friends since /forever/. When the bell rang, the group hurried to finish the last question before depositing their work on Ms. Lalani's desk. Now they would head their separate ways to their elective classes. Sora had Drawing and Painting II, while Riku had Driver's Ed (though it wasn't like anyone on Destiny Islands really drove. It was a status thing. The school would've been better off offering a boating class). Sora was incredibly tempted to kiss Riku goodbye when they were about to part, but everyone would see, so he didn't.  
  
The pair waved goodbye to each other as Sora entered the nearly empty art room.  
  
'Truth is a whisper and only a choice. Nobody hears above this noise.' 


	4. Drawing & Painting II

'Wind in time rapes the flower trembling on the vine, and nothing yields to shelter.'  
  
Sora sighed, taking a seat at one of the large wooden tables of the school's art room. Student works decorated the walls and shelves: mostly those left behind for lack of interest or a place to display them at home. A few were Sora's. He hadn't felt like dragging the large paintings home and dealing with everyone gawking and staring, asking, "what's that," or saying, "gee, I didn't know you could paint."  
  
He leaned back in his chair, grateful to have some time away from Riku and Kairi (especially Kairi) so he could think about his situation. None of the people in his usual group took any sort of art class, so he became friends with others. He was the only male in the class, which he enjoyed because he often found it easier to relate to girls.  
  
He was just getting ready for some serious thought when Yasuko interrupted him.  
  
"Hey Sora!" She grinned, much like he did, slapping him on the back. "What's up?" She was already wearing an over-sized grey T-shirt, covered with paint.  
  
"Nothing." He mumbled. He didn't feel much like talking.  
  
"'Nothing'? You're a dirty liar, Sora. Something's wrong." She suddenly became mischievous, brown eyes flashing. "Girl trouble?"  
  
"You could say that." He sighed, burying his face in his arms.  
  
"Oh, come off it, would you? It can't be /that/ bad." Yasuko smiled, ruffling his hair.  
  
"Well it is, okay?! Leave me alone, Yasuko." He shot her a glare and she immediately backed off.  
  
"Jeez, touchy. Well, if you /do/ wanna talk about, I'm here, k? I don't know any of your friends anyway. Not like I'm gonna go blabbing to them." She rolled her eyes and sat down at the seat adjacent to him, setting down her watercolor painting and setting up her tray. She took a moment to pull her wavy black hair into a loose ponytail.  
  
Sora glanced over at her picture, taking in its nearly finished status. Yasuko had painted a beautiful golden/red phoenix soaring across a pale blue sky, leaving a trail of stardust in its wake. He smiled softly. She always made such happy, inspirational pieces. His were more on the depressing side.  
  
He crossed the room to pull his own painting out of his cubby, finding a case of paints, a brush, and a cup of water to go with it. He hummed sadly, looking at the scene before him.  
  
Blue. The painting was predominately dark blue, with little traces of red and purple finding their way in. It was a person: basically genderless, bald, naked, only visible to the stomach. They were looking down either at something out of the picture or merely in shame (one couldn't be sure) and holding a hand out to an unseen being. Their face was broken, defeated, and in those deep, red eyes, one could see regret and fear. And if one looked just so, they could see contempt and pity.  
  
To make the blue flesh of the figure blend with the background (as though to disappear), it was surrounded by a void of black, blue, and violet. The brushstrokes swirled to create phantasms of tortured faces and crystalline tears. To the edges the painting was dark, and nothing in it resembled even the faintest glimmer of hope. Near the bottom, in shaky block letters, was the word "Sorry..."  
  
"You're just a little ball of sunshine, aren't you?" Commented Dororasu, a short, slightly pudgy sophomore. Her green eyes showed jest as she ran a hand through her dark red hair.  
  
"He's having boy trouble." Yasuko said nonchalantly, adding a few strokes to the phoenix's tail.  
  
"WHAT?!" Sora gawked at her, nearly knocking over his water. However, before she could take in his reaction, Dororasu jumped in glee.  
  
"SOOORAAA! You didn't tell us you had a boyfriend!" She grabbed his shoulders and began to shake him.  
  
"Hold, on, hold on, let's back up. At what point did I say I had a boyfriend?" Sora looked back and forth between the two girls, bewildered.  
  
"Who has a boyfriend?" Judisu, a senior with short black hair and blue eyes asked, setting down her own work.  
  
"Sora does!" Dororasu squealed, trying to pull him out of his seat.  
  
"He does? Well congrats, sweetie. I didn't think you'd come out yet." Judisu smiled.  
  
"WAIT A SECOND!" Sora yelled, causing Dororasu to stop pulling on him. "At what point did I say I had a boyfriend?" Sora asked again, although more impatiently.  
  
"Well," Yasuko began, "I asked you if you were having girl trouble, to which you responded, 'something like that.' Now, knowing what I know about you, I just naturally assumed-"  
  
"Assumed! But I didn't /say/ 'oh, yes, I have a boyfriend,' now did I?" Sora fumed.  
  
"Hm. Well, if you didn't, you wouldn't be so angry, now, would you?" Yasuko grinned slyly. Sora blushed madly, burying his face in his arms again. "So, when did it happen?"  
  
"Last night." Sora mumbled, barely audible through the barrier of cloth and flesh. He had told those three girls that he was gay at the beginning of the school year. There were three main reasons for this: 1. They didn't know his other friends, so they wouldn't tell. 2. Dororasu was a lesbian, so there was already one other gay person in the class. 3. He wanted to tell someone who would understand, and he desperately wanted someone to know before they got to know him well.  
  
"Oooh, Sora, I'm so happy for you!" Dororasu grinned, hugging him tightly.  
  
"But what about your girlfriend, Kari was her name? You two break up?" Judisu interjected.  
  
"It's Kairi. And no, we haven't. And therein lies the problem." Sora slumped down again.  
  
"What problem? Just dump her and get it over with." Yasuko stated plainly.  
  
"How? 'Oh, by the way, Kairi, I'm gay and I'm dating our best friend.' Yeah, that'll work out /great/." He snapped sarcastically.  
  
"God, Sora, just have your period already." Yasuko smirked and earned another glare. "But seriously, you have to break it off with her, and soon, or things will just get worse."  
  
"I /know/ that, Ko. But it's fucking hard. I have no real reason for leaving her other than the fact that I'm gay, and I'm not really prepared to tell her that yet."  
  
"Just tell her you're seeing someone else." Dororasu piped up.  
  
"Doro, she's gonna want to know who." Sora sighed exasperatedly.  
  
"Tell her it's a secret." Doro smiled.  
  
Sora rolled his eyes, turning to Judisu. "I'm scared to ask your advice. You'll probably just tell me to beat her until she's unconscious and run away."  
  
"Naw, just kill the bitch. And hide the body. Make sure there are no witnesses, but if there are, dispose of them properly." Judisu beamed.  
  
"None of you guys are any help." Sora leaned forward, letting his head hit the table. "This sucks. This suck so bad." He thunked his head against the surface a few times.  
  
"Sora, calm down." Yasuko put a hand on his shoulder. "You'll figure something out. You're one of the most resourceful people I know." She smiled out of admiration and sympathy.  
  
"But I'm motivated by passion. That's bad."  
  
"No, that's good. You know what you want and you're not afraid to go after it."  
  
"No, I've /been/ afraid for three fucking years."  
  
"But what made you tell that boy how you felt last night?" Yasuko's eyes were intense.  
  
Sora looked at her, then glanced away, thinking. Passion. Yes, passion had motivated him. Inspiration started it, and passion made him follow through. In fact, a lot of his decisions, if not all, were influenced in some way by his unrelenting fervor for the things he desired. He desired Riku, and passion made him claim him.  
  
"Passion will be my downfall." He predicted, almost silently. "I know I'm gonna do something stupid, something really stupid because of my feelings. I can't deal with guilt. It makes me- - It makes me want to explode. I can't just sit and do nothing, but when I do something, I screw up badly." He ran a hand trough his hair.  
  
"Don't be so hard on yourself." Yasuko pulled him closer. "Everything'll be okay. You'll see. I promise, Sora." She smiled softly, reassuringly. He smiled back, then licked his lips, searching for a response.  
  
"Thanks, Ko. I hope you're right. I really do." He smiled again and turned his gaze downward, scratching his head.  
  
"Good luck, Sora. I hope you lead a happy life with your boyfriend." Doro smiled. Sora smiled back in response. "What's his name, anyway?"  
  
"Riku." Sora said simply. "His name is Riku." 'And I love him.' He thought silently.  
  
The four friends subconsciously agreed to end the conversation there, returning to their paintings. As Sora worked, he glanced at Yasuko every once in a while, suddenly having a new appreciation for the precise, delicate movements of her hands. She was also motivated by passion, but it was thought out and prepared. Her canvas was her life, her paints her emotions, and her brush her words. Sora understood that now, and at that moment was very grateful to know her.  
  
The period continued in silence until the bell. The students cleaned up their work, placing their paintings on a rack to dry. Sora gave the three girls one last smile and nod of appreciation before heading out the door to lunch.  
  
'I know I can't keep it all together. And the siren's song that is your madness holds a truth I can't erase, all alone on your face.' 


End file.
